More Fun at the Unit Party

Another thing they do at National Guard parties is introduce and promote the FRG, the Family Readiness Group. (A military spouse's life is full of acronyms.)

The FRG is basically a group of spouses, mostly wives, who do stuff like organize kids' activities at parties, put out newsletters, and draft somebody to wear the Santa costume.

That's the stuff they really do, but their stated purpose is to provide support and services to the spouses of deployed soldiers.

And every time a commander talks about them, I hear a speech like this:

"What are you going to do if your soldier is deployed and the furnace quits or the plumbing needs repairs?"

The fluffy, high-pitched answer I guess I'm supposed to be giving is, "Goodness, panic, because as a woman plainly I have no idea what I'm supposed to do!"

But the answer in our house is a little different.

Actual conversation this fall:

Husband: "My watch is broke."
[When he says "broke" and not "broken," there is a whole subtext that reads, "Irritating inanimate object has deliberately stopped working to thwart me."]

Me [taking watch and looking it over]: "What's wrong with it?" (Band looks fine, crystal is not broken -- watch isn't ticking.)

Husband, flatly: "It's broke."

Me: [understanding dawns] "Oh, you mean it needs a battery?"

Husband, giving me a look that says "Clearly those powdered-sugar donuts you eat have made you simple": "It's broke."

The FRG speech that would apply to me is, "What are you going to do if your soldier is deployed and your son says, 'Mom, I just can't eat any more canned soup, frozen pizza or fish sticks!' ?"

But I've never heard a commander give that one.